Calvin is Stupendous Man!…..And Flunks His Test
Posted: February 11th, 2012 | No Comments »
Cough cough cough. Can I get a drink of water? OK, but hurry up. THIS is a job for… Calvin coughs a couple of times in school. He asks Misses Wormwood if he may get a glass of water. He gets out with a different intention: To dress up as stupendous man
To avoid detection while changing identities, mild-mannered Calvin leaps into his locker! There he makes the stupendous transformation into… STUPENDOUS MANNN! Da ta da tum tum da ta da tum tum. Gosh, it’s dark in here. Where’s that darn handle? Calvin sneaks into his locker, getting dressed up in his stupendous man costume in the dark. Happily, he sings his self created stupendous man theme. A teacher looks out in the hall way and is wondering what’s happening
BANG BANG BANG. I can’t get out! Hmm… this is a REAL job for Stupendous Man! Bang bang bang bang bang. Heck, this may even be a job for the custodian. Calvin is trapped in his locker and knocks on the locker door so hopefully somebody will hear. Nobody hears, so he’s trying harder. Then, feeling desperate, he says it might be rather a janitor’s job to get him out of here than Stupendous Man’s job.
Where’s Calvin? Didn’t he come back from the drinking fountain? I’ll bet he’s at his locker, Miss Wormwood. He brought something secret in a paper bag today that he said would help him on the test. Five years until retirement. Five years until retirement. STUPENDOUS MAN’s stupendous powers are of no avail in this cunning trap! Zounds! It’s STUPENDOUS MAN’s fiendish nemesis, the crab teacher, coming to finish him off! Calvin? Mrs Wormwood notices that Calvin hasn’t returned from the drinking fountain isn’t thrilled by that. Susie Derkins gives her the important hint: The locker. She goes to the locker and obviously she’s looking forward to her retirement in a couple of years, since this stresses her out. Calvin watches Mrs Wormwood coming closer to the locker and announces the upcoming events, while Mrs Wormwood asks if he’s in there.
Let’s see if Calvin got whatever was in his locker. With stupendous muscles of magnitude, Stupendous Man breaks free!! What on earth?! S.. for Stupendous! T… for Tiger, ferocity of! U.. for Underwear, red! P.. for Power, incredible! E… for Excellent physique! N… for …um… something… hm, well, I’ll come back to that… D…” “for Determination! U… for… wait, how do you spell this? Is it “”I”"?? It’s not enough that we have to be disciplinarians. Now we need to be psychologists. Your nefarious scheme will never succeed! Mrs Wormwood releases Calvin from the locker who rushes out using heroic language. He starts to spell what “STUPENDOUS” stands for. However, he isn’t able to spell it correctly and embarrasses himself. Mrs Wormwood is annoyed by the fact that her work also seems to heal psychological issues.
Stupendous Man escapes! A crimson bold bursts through the air! Calvin, come back here! Now it’s off to apply my stupendous powers of concentration to the history test of my alter ego, mild-mannered Calvin! TADAA! Have no fear, boys and girls! I’m Stupendous Man, champion of liberty and justice! Try to restrain yourselves, girls! I’m just here to do Calvin’s test. He lives on YOUR street, doesn’t he? I hardly even KNOW him, Candance! Calvin runs off the hands of Misses Wormwood who wants him to get back to her. Calvin uses epic, heroic language to comment what he’s doing: Returning to his seat and starting with the test. Candance asks if Calvin lives on Susie’s street. She’s too embarrassed and tells her that he’s a stranger to her.
Stupendous Man’s stupendous knowledge lets him complete the test with stupendous speed! 1492! The battle of Lexington! Trotsky! The cotton gin! Another triumph for virtue and right! And now, with a whoosh, Stupendous Man is off into the sky! So long, kids! Always brush your teeth! Kapwinggg! Class, did Calvin come in here?! Has anyone seen him? Here I am, Miss Wormwood! Boy, was I thirsty! Stupendous man rushes into the class room, quickly answers all the questions in the text and escapes from the class room fast. The children in the class observe everything puzzled. Mrs Wormwood returns and asks if anyone has seen Calvin who enters the class room saying that the water refreshed him.
AAAUGHH! Let go! Let go! You’ve got the wrong guy! I’m Calvin! I didn’t do anything wrong! BONK CRASH. I just got a drink of water! You SAID I could! Stupendous Man is the one you want! I’m not him! Help! Help! SCRAPE DRAG. Class, YOU saw Stupendous Man! Tell Miss Wormwood! ARRGGH! Help! I’ve been falsely accused! CRUNCH CLUNK. When Mom asks me how my day at school was, I always just say, “”Fine,”" and change the subject. NO! NO! Susie witnesses Calvin’s trouble and has an emotionless, stone cold face while Calvin screams for help. At the end she implies that she doesn’t talk a lot with her mom about events that happen in school.
So the teacher told Mom and Mom hit the roof and took away my costume. Yikes. Um… has Stupendous Man EVER won a battle? Well, they’re all MORAL victories. One can’t be picky. Oh, and I flunked the test, too. Calvin and Hobbes are standing outside in the snow. It’s winter. Hobbes wears a scarf. Calvin wears a jacket and gloves. Calvin tells Hobbes that he had some trouble in school. His mom was informed about it. Hobbes asks critically if Stupendous Man is really a winner. Calvin answers that his victories are moral victories. Hobbes appreciates that little success. Calvin means, that he wasn’t able to pass the test, too.